Types of Capital Punishment

Electric Chair: the only death penalty where you die with a sponge on your head

Firing Squad: kinda like a cheerleading squad, but less vicious

Hanging: on a string with only one direction to go like a helium balloon

Froot Loops: think about them… can you taste that shitty, artificial fruit flavour?

Your Kid’s Christmas Play: why are you videotaping it? Do you really want to relive this hell again?

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Oh look, it’s Pockmark Mark! I thought I smelled you, Skidmark. Marky Mark, do you call your tiny package The Funky Bunch?

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You can live for a long time if you don’t eat cereal that has a mascot