Types of Video Games

Arcade: played on the original standing desk

MMORPG: you sweat, swear and scream into a headset like a spin class instructor

Puzzle: fuck this I don’t wanna think my brain

Strategy: in the present moment you focus on the future, like being hungover

Virtual Pet: must be fed or it slowly dies, kinda like Twitter followers

…

AN EXPLANATION OF TEXT-BASED GAMES

No graphics, no sound, no music… hold on a second… NERDS MADE THIS!

…

I was gonna draw King Hippo, Piston Honda and Bald Bull eating eggs and title it “Mike Tyson’s Brunch-Out!!”