Statistics in Heaven
There are statistics in heaven about your life
Hours you spent watching television
Number of times someone burst into the bathroom when you were on the toilet
Gallons of Coca-Cola you drank
Number of serial killers you walked by
Number of times you realized Kermit the Frog was in an abusive relationship
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DON’T WORRY! IF YOU SUCK AT MATH, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT AN ASSHOLE!
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There are billions of people to date in heaven