Statistics in Heaven

There are statistics in heaven about your life

Hours you spent watching television

Number of times someone burst into the bathroom when you were on the toilet

Gallons of Coca-Cola you drank

Number of serial killers you walked by

Number of times you realized Kermit the Frog was in an abusive relationship

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DON’T WORRY! IF YOU SUCK AT MATH, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT AN ASSHOLE!

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There are billions of people to date in heaven