Sex Positions V

The Snowball: doing it rolling down a hill

Ying Yang: partners pretend their left side is sadist and their right side is masochist

The Hobbes: you literally knock their shoes off

The Grammar Nazi: you’re so mad at that spelling mistake you saw online that you can’t even boner

Real Vanilla: lights out, breaths held, children gone

The Burning Dork: you pretend your wiener is on fire and you’ve gotta put it out somehow

…

My skin is like lace, my legs are like laughter, my heart is like freedom.

My wiener is like… awesome.

…

I don’t know you but I bet your ancestors humped