The One-Upper

You order a beer
Guy orders ten shots

You pee your name in the snow
Guy craps his name next to it

You tell the guy to stop being a one-upper
Guy turns his life around

You get sick
Guy takes your calls at work

You sharpen a pencil
Guy designs a roller coaster for orphans

Your cat dies
Guy adopts a kitten for you named Merlin

…

YOU SAY YOU LIKE THE STARS, GUY TAKES YOU ON A SPACE VACATION
…

Whoa hey Merlin came too