Starbucks Continued

You're friendly, clean and approachable

But guess what Starbucks

Your espressos taste like smoking a stale cigar with six hairs in it

Your Frappuccinos makes me think of men wearing t-shirts tucked into their pants

And if I'm paying six bucks for a drink

It better have booze in it

…

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD TIP AT COFFEE SHOPS

Would you like a flavour shot?

Do you have coffee flavour?

…

You cannot meet ladies at the coffee shop if you are reading the Wikipedia page about crayfish